A lighthearted look at the Son of Man in the smartphone age
Let’s be honest—if Jesus walked among us today, he’d probably have the latest iPhone. But what would the Prince of Peace do with all that technology at his fingertips? Here are ten divine possibilities that would make even the angels LOL.
10. Set His Alarm to “Rooster Crow”
Because old habits die hard, and Peter would appreciate the throwback reference every morning at 6 AM.
9. Use GPS to Find the Lost Sheep
No more wandering around the desert for hours. “Siri, navigate to nearest confused lamb.” Problem solved in three taps.
8. Start a Food Blog Called “Loaves and Fishes”
His five-star recipes would literally feed thousands. The comment section would be wild: “Made this for 12 people but somehow had leftovers for days???”
7. Revolutionize Weather Apps
Forget those unreliable forecasts. Jesus would just check outside, calm any storms personally, and update the app himself. 100% accuracy guaranteed.
6. Master FaceTime with His Dad
Finally, a direct line that doesn’t require going up on a mountain. Though he’d probably still prefer the mountain for important conversations—better reception.
5. Use Uber Pool for Disciples
“Your ride with 11 other passengers has arrived.” Peter would definitely be that guy who tries to sit in the front seat every time.
4. Create the Ultimate Meditation App
“Headspace” could never. Three minutes with Jesus and you’d achieve inner peace that lasts for eternity. In-app purchases would just be donations to charity.
3. Dominate Instagram Stories
Water-to-wine time-lapse videos. Walking-on-water reels. Healing testimonials with before-and-after photos. His follower count would break the internet.
2. Use Apple Pay for Everything
No need to carry coins—just tap and go. Though he’d probably add a generous tip to every transaction and somehow make the payment multiply for everyone in line behind him.
1. Send the Most Epic Group Texts
Imagine getting added to “The Disciples 💒” group chat. Daily inspirational messages, miracle updates, and probably way too many photos of sunsets with Bible verses overlaid in Impact font.
Bonus: He’d definitely be that person who responds to every text immediately, no matter what time it is. Because love never sleeps, and apparently neither does customer service from the King of Kings.
Of course, knowing Jesus, he’d probably use his iPhone mostly to stay connected with people who needed him most—just like he always has. Some things never change, even with iOS updates.
Sunday we conclude our sermon series, “What the Tech,” with a look at what Jesus would do if he had an iphone. Because if we are honest with ourselves, that’s what we should be doing to.
Invite your friends and family for worship at 11:00 AM at Trinity UMC in Cartersville, Ga.
